So, I lost another job two weeks ago. I had a shitty job in a call centre which made me work permanent weekends. I traded it in for a cushy Monday to Friday office gig. I started on a Monday and was made redundant four days later. Fuck. I'm unemployed - Again! I have really bad luck with jobs. I either get stuck in crap jobs that make me go crazy or, I get awesome jobs and lose them through no fault of my own.
I'm going to be thirty next year. I still live at home with my Step Dad. I have a huge debt. So basically, at my next Birthday, I will be a broke ass, thirty year old loser with no job, living at home still. Wow, I never imagined my life would have turned out like this. I guess I didn't get the best start in life. Coming from a fucked up broken home. My Mum dying of cancer half way through my last year of high school. I have never had drive or will to succeed. I've always plodded along. I always thought that I'd be dead by now.
I feel hopeless. Lost. Alone. I've never felt so alone in my life. I try to snap out of this darkness and hang out with friends. They are always too busy. There is always something on. I'm going here, I'm going there. I have to do this, I have to do that. None of this here, there, this and that includes me. I don't want to go out and about and hang out with my friend's friends. I'd be happy to go out or even stay in for a cuppa and a chat. I'm just sick of being on my own.
When I'm alone I cry. A lot. In two weeks I've gone through a box and a half of tissues. I don't like crying. My eyes get puffy, I get a headache and more often than not, my nose bleeds. I don't like it when my nose bleeds. It takes way too long to stop and then I feel dizzy.
I know people these days are busy. Living life in the hustle and bustle of the twenty-first century takes it's toll on everyone. I just wish that someone, anyone had a spare half an hour to pop in or call me and ask; Are you OK?
My answer would be simple. No. And then someone else but me would know. I'm not sure how much of this pain and despair I can take...
I'm going to be thirty next year. I still live at home with my Step Dad. I have a huge debt. So basically, at my next Birthday, I will be a broke ass, thirty year old loser with no job, living at home still. Wow, I never imagined my life would have turned out like this. I guess I didn't get the best start in life. Coming from a fucked up broken home. My Mum dying of cancer half way through my last year of high school. I have never had drive or will to succeed. I've always plodded along. I always thought that I'd be dead by now.
I feel hopeless. Lost. Alone. I've never felt so alone in my life. I try to snap out of this darkness and hang out with friends. They are always too busy. There is always something on. I'm going here, I'm going there. I have to do this, I have to do that. None of this here, there, this and that includes me. I don't want to go out and about and hang out with my friend's friends. I'd be happy to go out or even stay in for a cuppa and a chat. I'm just sick of being on my own.
When I'm alone I cry. A lot. In two weeks I've gone through a box and a half of tissues. I don't like crying. My eyes get puffy, I get a headache and more often than not, my nose bleeds. I don't like it when my nose bleeds. It takes way too long to stop and then I feel dizzy.
I know people these days are busy. Living life in the hustle and bustle of the twenty-first century takes it's toll on everyone. I just wish that someone, anyone had a spare half an hour to pop in or call me and ask; Are you OK?
My answer would be simple. No. And then someone else but me would know. I'm not sure how much of this pain and despair I can take...
