Very single and more than ready to mingle!

Why is it so hard to find a root in Melbourne town?  I'm convinced that there are no spunky, single guys left on this planet. 

Where does a 30-something-year-old gal go in 2016 to find a bloke? I'm over the whole online thing - it's  so lame! Tinder is shit and full of creepy cunts. My office has nil suitable potential mates. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.

According to popular belief, I'm currently in my sexual peak. I'm not entirely sure what the heck that means, because I've been a crazy-horny nympho for most of my adult life.

I've learned to release my sexual frustrations whilst flying solo. I should have bought shares in Duracell years ago, due to the amount of batteries I've gone through over the years! Although, recently I lashed out and shouted myself two new Lelo toys - top of the range, rechargeable and highly recommended; should you be in the market and a couple of new dildoes - moulded directly from the shafts of two of my favorite porn stars.

But let me tell you, there's a massive difference between getting yourself off with a vibrator or rubber dong and getting your box smashed by a real dick, attached to a sexy man.

I think it's the mental connection that I'm yearning for most. I don't believe that it's healthy to not have that skin on skin, primal connection with another human being that you only experience when you're fucking like a wild animal. 

What if I get too accustomed to my Lelos and silicone dicks? What if when I do eventually hook up with some random, he isn't able to satisfy me the way I could be satisfied in the past? I was the kind of girl that just needed a kiss on the neck, or a finger traced over my pussy to get a flood happening.

I need to stop piss farting around and get myself laid! My plan for this year, is to get laid as much as I did when I was in my 20's.

If you have any spare, handsome, single guys hanging around, let me know. I'd be happy to take him off your hands!

Watch this space.

A blow job a day, keeps a mistress at bay!

I finished work at 3pm on Friday afternoon.  I made plans with a friend from my old department to have our nails done and grab a bite to eat. As you may know, it's near on impossible to get your nails done and talk on the phone, so when I was mid buff and my phone rang, I let it go through to voice mail.

After my nails had dried I dug my hand into my bag to retrieve my phone. The missed call from earlier had been made from a private number, I assumed it was someone calling from home or work. I dialed my mail box to listen to the message. It was full of static  and I could barely hear what the voice on the other end was saying.

I replayed the message on loud speaker to decypher what was being said. From what I could pick up, it was some woman named Jody who was accusing me of sleeping with her boyfriend! She advised that I should stop sleeping with him or she'd kill me. She ended with, "Got that Ok? Thanks, bye!". So polite of her.

I laughed so hard I nearly pissed my pants! Who the fuck is this crazy bitch!? How did she get my number? And more importantly,  who the fuck is it that I have supposedly fucked? I must have sexsomnia, because I haven't had sex with anyone other than myself in over a year that I am aware of!

If anyone knows an crazy, angry bitch named Jody, who's other half  has been stepping out on her, please let her kmow that it's not me that fucked him, but maybe she should throw him the occasional BJ and maybe,  just maybe, he wouldn't need to cheat on her with someone like me!

I loved you best...

About 6 weeks ago, I lost my best mate of almost 19 years. I remember when we met, he fit into the palm of my hands. You were there by my side when I lost my Mum. You were always there. I miss you every day. R.I.P Billy x

So this is where we part, My Friend,
And you'll run on, around the bend.
Gone from sight, but not from mind,
new pleasures there you'll surely find.

I will go on; I'll find the strength,
Life measures quality, not its length.
One long embrace before you leave,
Share one last look, before I grieve.

There are others, that much is true,
But they be they, and they aren't you.
And I, fair, impartial, or so I thought,
Will remember well all you've taught.

Your place I'll hold, you will be missed,
The fur I stroked, the nose I kissed.
And as you journey to your final rest,
Take with you this...I loved you best.

The little things...

In less than one month I turn 32. My Mum died when I was 18 years old. I hardly think about her anymore, aside from those 'special' days - Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas and such.

Tonight I took a huge tumble down the dangerous back step of our house. I was on my lying on my back on the cold hard concrete bawling my eyes out. I managed to get myself inside the house to clean up and assess the damage.

Still sobbing, I hobbled into the lounge room to put my feet up. The only thing I could think of whilst I was applying was iodine to my stinging wounds was an overwhelming need for a hug from my Mum and for her to pat down my hear and kiss me on top of my head to make me feel better. This made me sob harder and louder that my sobs turned into a wail. I snapped myself out of it and concentrated on tending to my grazes. 

I'm all good now, a few grazes here and there, it's mostly just a bruised ego. I still wouldn't mind a hug from Mumma Bear though.

Reasons why I have evolved from catching PT and own a 5.7 litre V8

1) I can chain smoke and listen to the radio in my car.
2) The Park & Ride facility is like the set of Wolf Creek in the morning - pitch black, in the middle of nowhere and scary as fuck.
3) I don't have to sit next to incontinent pensioners wearing itchy jumpers in my car.
4) I have consecutively held a valid driver's license since the year 2000 and do not need to be supervised whilst on the roads.
5) Parking is only $2.84 more expensive that catching the bus per day.
6) I drive in a straight route in my car. I have no need to stop every 50 meters and pick up randoms.
7) It takes me 17 minutes to commute home from work in the car, compared to almost an hour on the bus.
8) FUCK PUBLIC TRANSPORT!

Sex is like Pringles. Once you pop, you can't stop!

Urrgghhh, It's true! Once you pop, you can't stop! Once again I've opened up the flood gates. After a very long time - 7 months and 14 months prior to that - was the last time I had sexy times with a dude. That's a looooong time! And yes, you've probably guessed by now that I met up with Old Mate the other night and it was awesome! I had actually forgotten how good sex is. It was also a tad awkward. 

Walking up the stairs to the bedroom was the worst part. He made me walk up first - Probably so he could look at my bare arse up my dress. I had chosen to go commando on the night, as I didn't really see the point of wearing undies when they weren't going to be on for very long. Also, It made for a nice surprise for him when I bent over to put my bag on the floor and my short dress rode up over my arse. Anyway, back to the awkwardness. There were photos of him, the Mrs and the little fella hung on the landing wall. I closed my eyes and kept ascending the staircase. I got to the top of the stairs and stopped as I didn't know where to go! I sure as fuck didn't want to end up in a nursery! He finally joined me at the top and switched on the light and pointed into his bedroom. I stepped into the darkness and he flicked on the telly for some subtle light. I would have gone for a lamp, but he is a dude at the end of the day!

And sure enough, my no underwear trick did it's thing. I bent over to place my bag on the floor, my dress rode up and he ran his finger tip across my ass cheek and slid it into my pussy. Hello! Instant wetness! I span around like a ballerina and almost as if it were in the same movement I pulled my dress up and over my head. I dropped it to the floor and began to unbutton his shirt. Fuck buttons! So annoying, I gave up and made him do it while I took off his pants. He took a step back to take in the view of me standing in just a bra. I reached behind me and undid the hooks. I did the classic stripper move of pulling down my bra straps slowly, one by one and magically held my bra on by my nipples. I pulled his boxers down from his waist and let his dick spring free. It was like Christmas! It's funny over time how you can forget what dicks look like. I forgot how long it was and couldn't resist gently stroking it! He ripped my bra off  and threw me down on the bed. 

We did our thing and lay back for a while because my body was weak and exhausted from orgasming so many times - I think it was 7 at last count but I can't be sure! We had a little chat about how things could have been in a parallel universe. Where his baby boy and it's mother did not exist. Clearly I would never enter into anything more than a casual, sexual relationship with this guy in this universe. I mean fuck, let's face it! He had just cheated on the mother of his 5 month old son, as if I'd want anything more serious with  a man who I know is prone to straying! I've been there, done that and don't intend on going through that pain and heart ache again.

I'm getting off track! What I wanted to get across in this post was that sex is FUCKING awesome! Since popping my cherry again on Wednesday night all I can think about is cock! I still have that after sex vag soreness, it's not a bad hurt, but in fact a really good hurt. It's where you smile to yourself as your mind flicks back to visions of your re-virginated pussy being pounded by a very willing cock, that hasn't been inside a tight, wet pussy for well over a year! And then you get wet again and have to excuse yourself from your desk to go to the bathroom to mop up the flood that's now inside your undies.

Yes, once you pop you can't stop. I guess I'll be dreaming of The D again tonight, wondering when the next time I'll feel one fill up all of my holes.

Loose morals...

So, tonight, a blast from the past pops up on Skype. I don't think I've ever written about this one before, I'll just call him Old Mate. We met online and went out a few times. I learned that he was recently out of a long term relationship that basically become boring and samey and eventually fizzed out right around the time she moved inter sate for work. He was left behind in Melbourne with their Shar Pei. 

He was a nice guy. Very easy to get along with and talk to, our conversations was never dull. Things were going well for around six months until the ex moved back to Melbourne and they decided to salvage their past. I was cut for a minute and then got over it. It didn't stop him messaging me here and there wanting to hook up. I was strong said always said no.

After a while, contact stopped. I thought he finally got the message after I hadn't heard from him in over a year. Bingo, bongo! He popped up on Skype again. He and the Mrs were having a baby. He didn't seem to happy about it. He thought she got pregnant on purpose. I told him that that was an unfair thing to say - It takes two to tango after all. 

I spoke with him not long after the baby was born. It was a boy, I don't recall it's name. He was born early and had to stay in hospital for quite a while. Old Mate seemed genuinely worried about the little fella. It turns out that things between him and the Mrs were on the rocks still. She was spending a lot of time away from home with her parents in her home town in New South Wales.  After he told me this he also told me that he missed me. I told him that it was too late for anything more to happen between the two of us.

Fast forward about four months to tonight were he tried putting the moves on me again whilst the Mrs and the little fella were away. It's been a while since I've seen any action and I found myself actually being tempted to pop over for a 'drink'. He only lives around the corner. I could be in and out and tucked up in bed in just over an hour if I really wanted to. I had to cut the conversation short. I'm not that kind of girl anymore. I don't want dodgy sex karma to sneak up on me one day and kick me up the arse. I told him that I had to head off and get ready for bed. That was a lie. I had to run away from temptation.

I logged out and had a cool shower. I needed to chill the fuck out. Later on, I logged back into my lappy to find the following message: "Can you think about a catch up in the next couple of nights? Just think about it don't dismiss it . . I'm not a bad guy and you are clearly amazing xx". What am I supposed to say back to that? My head says no but my vaj says yes! What's a girl to do?