Sex is like Pringles. Once you pop, you can't stop!

Urrgghhh, It's true! Once you pop, you can't stop! Once again I've opened up the flood gates. After a very long time - 7 months and 14 months prior to that - was the last time I had sexy times with a dude. That's a looooong time! And yes, you've probably guessed by now that I met up with Old Mate the other night and it was awesome! I had actually forgotten how good sex is. It was also a tad awkward. 

Walking up the stairs to the bedroom was the worst part. He made me walk up first - Probably so he could look at my bare arse up my dress. I had chosen to go commando on the night, as I didn't really see the point of wearing undies when they weren't going to be on for very long. Also, It made for a nice surprise for him when I bent over to put my bag on the floor and my short dress rode up over my arse. Anyway, back to the awkwardness. There were photos of him, the Mrs and the little fella hung on the landing wall. I closed my eyes and kept ascending the staircase. I got to the top of the stairs and stopped as I didn't know where to go! I sure as fuck didn't want to end up in a nursery! He finally joined me at the top and switched on the light and pointed into his bedroom. I stepped into the darkness and he flicked on the telly for some subtle light. I would have gone for a lamp, but he is a dude at the end of the day!

And sure enough, my no underwear trick did it's thing. I bent over to place my bag on the floor, my dress rode up and he ran his finger tip across my ass cheek and slid it into my pussy. Hello! Instant wetness! I span around like a ballerina and almost as if it were in the same movement I pulled my dress up and over my head. I dropped it to the floor and began to unbutton his shirt. Fuck buttons! So annoying, I gave up and made him do it while I took off his pants. He took a step back to take in the view of me standing in just a bra. I reached behind me and undid the hooks. I did the classic stripper move of pulling down my bra straps slowly, one by one and magically held my bra on by my nipples. I pulled his boxers down from his waist and let his dick spring free. It was like Christmas! It's funny over time how you can forget what dicks look like. I forgot how long it was and couldn't resist gently stroking it! He ripped my bra off  and threw me down on the bed. 

We did our thing and lay back for a while because my body was weak and exhausted from orgasming so many times - I think it was 7 at last count but I can't be sure! We had a little chat about how things could have been in a parallel universe. Where his baby boy and it's mother did not exist. Clearly I would never enter into anything more than a casual, sexual relationship with this guy in this universe. I mean fuck, let's face it! He had just cheated on the mother of his 5 month old son, as if I'd want anything more serious with  a man who I know is prone to straying! I've been there, done that and don't intend on going through that pain and heart ache again.

I'm getting off track! What I wanted to get across in this post was that sex is FUCKING awesome! Since popping my cherry again on Wednesday night all I can think about is cock! I still have that after sex vag soreness, it's not a bad hurt, but in fact a really good hurt. It's where you smile to yourself as your mind flicks back to visions of your re-virginated pussy being pounded by a very willing cock, that hasn't been inside a tight, wet pussy for well over a year! And then you get wet again and have to excuse yourself from your desk to go to the bathroom to mop up the flood that's now inside your undies.

Yes, once you pop you can't stop. I guess I'll be dreaming of The D again tonight, wondering when the next time I'll feel one fill up all of my holes.

Loose morals...

So, tonight, a blast from the past pops up on Skype. I don't think I've ever written about this one before, I'll just call him Old Mate. We met online and went out a few times. I learned that he was recently out of a long term relationship that basically become boring and samey and eventually fizzed out right around the time she moved inter sate for work. He was left behind in Melbourne with their Shar Pei. 

He was a nice guy. Very easy to get along with and talk to, our conversations was never dull. Things were going well for around six months until the ex moved back to Melbourne and they decided to salvage their past. I was cut for a minute and then got over it. It didn't stop him messaging me here and there wanting to hook up. I was strong said always said no.

After a while, contact stopped. I thought he finally got the message after I hadn't heard from him in over a year. Bingo, bongo! He popped up on Skype again. He and the Mrs were having a baby. He didn't seem to happy about it. He thought she got pregnant on purpose. I told him that that was an unfair thing to say - It takes two to tango after all. 

I spoke with him not long after the baby was born. It was a boy, I don't recall it's name. He was born early and had to stay in hospital for quite a while. Old Mate seemed genuinely worried about the little fella. It turns out that things between him and the Mrs were on the rocks still. She was spending a lot of time away from home with her parents in her home town in New South Wales.  After he told me this he also told me that he missed me. I told him that it was too late for anything more to happen between the two of us.

Fast forward about four months to tonight were he tried putting the moves on me again whilst the Mrs and the little fella were away. It's been a while since I've seen any action and I found myself actually being tempted to pop over for a 'drink'. He only lives around the corner. I could be in and out and tucked up in bed in just over an hour if I really wanted to. I had to cut the conversation short. I'm not that kind of girl anymore. I don't want dodgy sex karma to sneak up on me one day and kick me up the arse. I told him that I had to head off and get ready for bed. That was a lie. I had to run away from temptation.

I logged out and had a cool shower. I needed to chill the fuck out. Later on, I logged back into my lappy to find the following message: "Can you think about a catch up in the next couple of nights? Just think about it don't dismiss it . . I'm not a bad guy and you are clearly amazing xx". What am I supposed to say back to that? My head says no but my vaj says yes! What's a girl to do?

Good Luck Kel

Have you seen the movie Good Luck Chuck? Allegedly Chuck (Dane Cook) is cursed. Women sleep with him once, and the next man they meet will be their true love. I think I have the same curse. Sitting here, thinking of all of the guys from my dating past, most of them met and married the next girl after me. 

There was Mr X. But to be fair, he was seeing both of us at the same time. He is now married and has two kids. There was the Best Man at my mate's wedding. We banged on the wedding night in Queensland, had a few random hook ups back in Melbourne and the next thing I hear through the grapevine, he's engaged! He too married my understudy and they have since had a daughter. I stopped seeing The Traveler when he took off to Africa to do some volunteer work. He met and fell in love with a fellow volunteer and from what he tells me, "she's the one". I'm sure there are a few more, in fact I know there are but I think you get the idea.

So fellas, If you're looking to find true love or 'the one' all you have to do is fuck me and hey presto! You'll meet the girl of your dreams!

How you ruined me...

Just so that you know and don’t get a big head; I am over you. I have been for a long time. What I’m not over is the fact that you destroyed me and my ability to ever fully trust another man again. 

You were my very first serious relationship. 

I hate that you broke my heart the way that you did. I hate that you did it whilst I was so far from home. I was lucky that I had made such good friends and support group in England. You’re lucky I didn’t punch your fucking lights out.

I hate that you continued lying to my face, even after I had busted you cheating on me. I hate that the whore that you cheated on me with rubbed it in my face. I hate that you didn’t try to stop her. I hate that you went running off to her the night I busted you.

I love that your Mum and Dad took my side and thought of you as a monster.

I hate myself for accepting your pathetic apology and agreeing to get back together. I hate myself for saying yes when you proposed. I hate that you broke up with me in a text message from the other side of the world 5 months later after not hearing from you for nearly 3 weeks.

I hate that you got back to your life as normal, with not a care in the world. I hate that you are up to fiancé number three. I hate that you’re both coming to Australia. It’s not big enough for the three of us.

I hate the way you make me feel about guys. I wish I could get close to feeling about someone else the way I once felt about you. I wish I had never met you. 

I hate that I have trust issues. Not only do I not trust men, I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust myself to let go and to fall in love again. When I get close, I shut my feelings out. I never want to feel the way you made me feel. I am broken and you broke me.

 

My 'Love' results from an online personality test...

Love

Settling down doesn't have to be boring. Connecting with your true love match is just the start of a whole new adventure. So get ready to let your hair down!
As a Warm Heart, you’re very down-to-earth when it comes to love. Often it is the simplest pleasures that bring the greatest joy. For you, romance often evolves from a close friendship. You want a love that feels safe and secure and believe in building strong foundations based on trust and understanding. You are a deeply loyal person and you expect the same from your partner. A true relationship is about committing to share your life and leaning on each other in good times and bad. Quiet one-on-one time is important too. You like to dive in and get lost together in those magical feelings.

1. Keep the magic alive in a relationship by spending quality time doing something that you'll both enjoy.


2. Be bold. Don’t feel that there’s some perfect ideal that you need to live up to. You are an amazing individual. Celebrate that yourself and you’ll quickly find that you’re not the only one who thinks so.


3. Do something different. Rent roller skates and wobble around the park hanging out to one another for balance!

I'm ready! (I think.)

I've kissed my fair share of frogs and now I think I'm ready for my Prince.

After going a bit feral when my heart was ripped out, stomped on, set on fire and finally urinated on I think I'm ready to try another relationship. There! I've said it. I'm ready to open my heart again to another man.

And before you go off on one; no, my biological clock is not ticking yet and I don't want a shotgun wedding. I just want to find a nice guy to spend time with. A dude that uses his brain to stimulate mine. A dude that makes me laugh and that does not take life too seriously. Someone that is kind and and that will appreciate me for the little things that I do.

I'm over the whole Internet dating bullshit. It's loaded with freaks, geeks and all in between. I'm sick of being hit on by men with wives and families. Guys that are double my age. I am not interested and I don't have Daddy issues, so move along.

Now I just need to work out which pond to look in to find my future Prince...

Light Bulb Momnet!

It has finally dawned on me that you truly don't know what you've got until it's gone! It's only taken most of my adult life thus far to come to this conclusion. Better late than never I guess?