Merry Christmas!

So, it's Christmas day in Melbourne, Australia. We hit a top of 31.4 degrees and then it hailed! What's up with that? In he midst of the hail storm/monsoon the Mobil Altona Refinery had some sort of incident that sent thick black smoke billowing out of one of the stacks within the compound!

In one day, I sweated my ass off in the heat, got a semi-white Christmas that I had wished for and could have been blown to smithereens by a petrochemical plant.

Today is my lucky day!

Wow, what a day!

What a busy day... Awake at 0430 to have a piss, can't sleep cos of the lebbos and their music. Sister comes home drunk at 0500 and pops into my room to say 'Hi", struggle to fall back asleep due to Lebbo radio. Alarm goes off at 0630 to do the airport run. Someone has a melt-down about a book being in a back pack b4 we leave. Zoom into the airport, struggle with traffic on the way home. Pop into Nan's to swap cars and end up staying for a few hours.. Get home grab tape measure and head off to Dij's place to measure a couch. In the car and off to Hoppers. Weigh up which foam option suits our needs and have it cut to size. No wallet. Drive home. Maccas drive thru and then to Clarke's pay for the foam. Head to the hong shop to find potential party supplies. Jar explodes in Dij's hand. Panic sets in. Put First Aid skills to good use and burn to Willi hospital. I need a smoke. Go outside and spark up. Hear strange noises coming from the leaf litter. Find a ring Tailed Possum with a baby on it's back and a fucked up leg. Call the council. Wait for wild life lady to pick up possums. find Dij in A&E. Make her laugh buy pretending to be a doc. Get in close to to see inside the finger flap. Stitches done time to go home. Drop Dij off home time now. 1730 Feed dogs. Feed Kelly. 13 hours, 4 cars and numerous kilometres later, nap time now please!

The Walls Are Closing In...

So, I lost another job two weeks ago. I had a shitty job in a call centre which made me work permanent weekends. I traded it in for a cushy Monday to Friday office gig. I started on a Monday and was made redundant four days later. Fuck. I'm unemployed - Again! I have really bad luck with jobs. I either get stuck in crap jobs that make me go crazy or, I get awesome jobs and lose them through no fault of my own.

I'm going to be thirty next year. I still live at home with my Step Dad. I have a huge debt. So basically, at my next Birthday, I will be a broke ass, thirty year old loser with no job, living at home still. Wow, I never imagined my life would have turned out like this. I guess I didn't get the best start in life. Coming from a fucked up broken home. My Mum dying of cancer half way through my last year of high school. I have never had drive or will to succeed. I've always plodded along. I always thought that I'd be dead by now.

I feel hopeless. Lost. Alone. I've never felt so alone in my life. I try to snap out of this darkness and hang out with friends. They are always too busy. There is always something on. I'm going here, I'm going there. I have to do this, I have to do that. None of this here, there, this and that includes me. I don't want to go out and about and hang out with my friend's friends. I'd be happy to go out or even stay in for a cuppa and a chat. I'm just sick of being on my own.

When I'm alone I cry. A lot. In two weeks I've gone through a box and a half of tissues. I don't like crying. My eyes get puffy, I get a headache and more often than not, my nose bleeds. I don't like it when my nose bleeds. It takes way too long to stop and then I feel dizzy.

I know people these days are busy. Living life in the hustle and bustle of the twenty-first century takes it's toll on everyone. I just wish that someone, anyone had a spare half an hour to pop in or call me and ask; Are you OK?

My answer would be simple. No. And then someone else but me would know. I'm not sure how much of this pain and despair I can take...

Stalker Alert?

What makes a part time special friend's ex girlfriend read and comment on my blog? She's no longer with my part time special friend, I've never met her but yet she seems drawn to read my blog about my exploits with him. Judging by how many comments she has left over time, she is quite a regular visitor. Why is she so preoccupied with me? Is she still into her ex even though she has claimed in a comment she has a new man. I don't get it. And why stalk my blog to get my perspective of time spent with him? Why not pick up the phone, call him and ask what he's been up to? Why does she feel the need to take digs at me on my own blog? I doubt very much he is trying to replace you. But then you'd have to ask him. Get a life lady!

What's the Point?

I ask you, what is the point of going over to your part-time special friend's house and not getting laid. I spent the night at a repeat offender's house last week and got nothing! Not even a poke in the back in the middle of the night! Before going to his place, I even asked him if it was worth de-fuzzing. He told me it was. What a waste of time!

I got up at eleven thirty the next morning, went to the bathroom came back to see he had sprawled out in the middle of his bed. I quietly picked my jocks up off the floor along with the rest of my clothes got dressed and walked out of his front door. I took the walk of no shame to my car and came home to relieve my sexual frustration.

It was a few hours later that I realised I had left my scarf at his place. Crap! I texted him that night to see if I could drop in and pick it up. He said he would leave it on the couch on his front porch for me to collect the next day. Ouch. What's with that? Pussy when it suits you hey? What about my needs? I'm over the head fuck. You're fired... Again! But probrbly not for long...

Wrong Number Sexting...

We all know what sexting is right? If you don't, I'll quickly give you the low down. It's where two people send each other naughty texts. Which can be fun to liven up a boring day or help get your mojo flowing. It usually occurs between two people that already know each other, and more than likely have already had some sort of sexual contact. Not so much in my case.

On the Monday after my short lived, one pint trip to Cookie I was a working hard, or hardly working when my phone beeped with a text. It was from a random number and it said, "You have the cutest bum! xo". It made me giggle. My ass is not cute. It's big and wobbly. I ignored the text. A few moments later, another text came through, " Don't be shy, remember Saturday..." I did remember Saturday. I went out for a bit, I hung out with my girlfriends and I was at home in bed before midnight. I had not spoken to any boys, nor had I given anyone my number! I politely replied with, " I think you have the wrong number mate. I don't have a cute ass!" Less than a minute later my mystery man had replied saying unless it was a small bum, it must be cute. He had my attention. My ears always prick up when I find a guy that likes fat chicks.

We began texting back and forth, to work out who was on the other side of these texts. It turns out he thought my number was a number from a girl he had met at a party over the weekend. The weird thing is, he was at a party not far from my house! Small world! It turns out he is 28, a truck driver, lives in Pascoe Vale and is 6'4". Hold the phone! How tall?! I love tall blokes. I don't know what it about boys with loft, but they just make me weak at the knees. I told him he was a whopper and that's when the sexting began. He replied to me and told me that he was "tall all over ;)". I'd be the judge of that!

As he was at work like I was, he asked for my email address so he could send me a picture of himself. I obliged and told him that I'd send him a few of me too. He asked if I'd like his pics to be clothed or unclothed. I thought I'd be a bit mysterious and told him to surprise me. The sexting died off as my workload increased and I kind of just forgot about my mystery sexter. I finished my shift, drove home, had something to eat and before I knew it, he was texting me again! Easy tiger!

He wanted to know if I had checked my emails. Dude, I had just spent the last ten hours tethered to a headset, connected to a phone talking to whiny customers and dealing with their problems. I like to chill before firing up my laptop when I get home. When I was ready, I fired the laptop up. I opened my emails. There in front of me were four emails from my mystery sexter. Each of them had attachments. I opened up the first. all I saw was a skinny man wearing what he was born in. All of his pics were the same. I don't know why he sent so many pics of basically the same thing. Around twenty pictures of a man from the chin to mid thigh. Get some creativity son!

I replied to his many emails with one email containing a selection of my best pics. I think there were four or five of them. Each one different, never two the same. I like things that way. The same old, same old bores me. And why would anybody want twenty pictures of exactly the same thing? He loved my photos and now he wants to meet me. I don't want to meet him. He's very skinny. I've seen whippets with more meat on them. I like my men with a bit of something to hang onto. Skinny boys just don't so it for me. Plain and simple.

It's been easy avoiding the "When are we going to meet up?" questions. As I work all weekends, he woks all weekdays, it's hard to get a time and day that suits us both. I've already tried to put meeting him in the too hard basket, and I've even gently suggested that I don't really want to met him, but he's like a dog with a bone. He texts me every couple of days. I need to let him know I'm not interested. It's cruel to let him believe that I want to get to know him. Off to the drawing board I guess.

Work to live. Don't live to work...

Hello there friend. I know I have not written for ages. It's been way too long. Sorry. I guess it's because I haven't experienced anything worthy of writing about. I seem to have acquired an annoying job that requires me to work permanent weekends, Monday and Tuesday. It sucks - big time. It has taken a major toll on my now non existent love life. Oh! and not to mention my nose diving social life too. Just a few weeks ago, I missed one of my best friend's Birthday celebrations, and I was pissed!

I work in and inbound call centre for a major telecommunications company. I start at 0800 hours and conclude my shift ten hours later at 1800 hours. The party was due to kick off on Saturday evening at 8pm, at Cookie in the city and end up where ever Melbourne's streets lead us. Part way through my shift, I asked my Team Leader if I could have the following day off or swap it for another day. His answer was short and blunt - No. I thought fine, I'll be the designated driver. I'll drive one of the other girl's cars, as I have a two seater ute and can only have one passenger. It's fucking sexy to look at and a dream to drive, but alas, it's not so good for car pooling.

I got to Digimon's pad where as usual, she was having a wardrobe crisis. Digimon had just returned from a short jaunt in Europe and whilst she was in Amsterdam, she bought a sexy green dress. It was a gorgeous jade green number that was short, but not too short and really showed off her awesome rack. She kept claiming that the dress was too short and made her look like a slut. It did not. She looked lovely and classy as usual. I picked out a handbag and a chunky black necklace to team with the sexy green dress whilst we waited for our other girlfriend, Malta to arrive.

Digimon finally believed me when Malta arrived and told her how hot she looked. She downed what was left of her glass of vino and we hit the road. I really don't like driving other people's cars. It's weird. You get use to your own car. You know as soon as you get in that your seat is in the correct position. The mirrors are all pointing in the right direction. You know where the clutch bites and you know where all of the gears are. It took me ages to get the seat and mirrors right. Then it took me another few moments to find reverse. Who the heck makes you lift up part of the gear knob to get into a gear? Fucking Euro Trash! Give me a Holden any day!

Any who, after a quick tutorial from Digimon on how to drive her car we were over the bridge and in the city in no time. Great, hook turns ahoy! Luckily for us, we took Spencer and Lonsdale Streets which don't require the services of you navigating and orchestrating a right hand turn from the left lane. I'd like to know who invented those fuckers, they are so annoying! We entered a multi storey car park, ditched the car and headed to Cookie.

It was pretty busy and it was only 2000 hours. We made it to the bar for a drink and then found the Birthday Girl. She was thrilled to see us, just as we were thrilled to share her Birthday with her. I had set my departure time for 2230 hours, as that would allow plenty of time for me to get back to the car, back over the bridge, car swap at Digimon's place and be tucked up in bed by 2300 hours. Perfect! We managed to find a square metre or so of free space near the bar were we propped for the duration. I drank my pint and mingled with the other party goers and before I knew it it was almost time for me to turn into a pumpkin! I found the Birthday Girl and said my goodbyes. By this stage Digimon and Malta were over it and wanted to catch a lift home with me, rather than fight for a cab a few hours later.

I safely and soberly drove the girls back to the West Side, swapped cars and headed for home. It was now 2345 hours, I got to my room, stripped off, set the alarm and drifted off to the Land of Nod. Before I knew it, it was 0645 hours and the alarm was yelling at me to get out of bed. I dragged my tired ass out of my nice warm bed, threw on what ever clothes I picked up off the floor and headed off to work for a 0800 hours start.

Work on this particular Sunday was dead. Calls were few and far between. There was seriously around ten minutes between calls. The Team Leader came around and asked if anybody wanted to go home. Was he fucking serious? I had asked him less than twenty-four hours earlier if I could have the day off, and his answer to me was no. I politely replied to him with the same answer. If I had known he was going to send people home early, I would have been naughty and stayed out all night drinking with my friends and called in sick. But because I'm a 'good girl' with a strong work ethic, I made the choice to leave early and trudge into work the next day.

Friends, life is too short. Work to live, don't live to work!

Here We Go Again...

I can't believe it. I have a crush on another boy and I missed my chance to tap that! Instead of making a move and pouncing him I decided to play it cool and test the waters. I think I waited too long. He asked me for advice about a girl that asked him out :( Sucks to be me! Better luck next time

Autumn, I Love You!

Maybe it's because I'm an Autumn baby myself? I love the cold, crisp mornings and the clear, sunny afternoon skies. It can bucket down with rain one day, and be still and sunny the next.

Autumn, I love you.

You're my kryptonite.

Why is it that after you seem to disappear of the face of the Earth you contact me and I'm hooked straight away?

After almost four weeks of not hearing from you and deciding to delete your number out of my phone - again for the millionth time - Why do I get a text replying to my question from the previous day?

I get nothing for the next couple of days. When all of a sudden... Boom! There you are striking up a conversation on the instant messenger.

You're obviously a little tipsy, or more. And a touch toey too perhaps. You see me online and strike up a conversation.

An hour later you're in my bed. We do what's needed to be done and then as quickly as you arrived, you're gone again.

You are my secret addiction.

You are crack and I'm your whore.

You are my Kryptonite.

Fin.

Oh the things I have seen...

So, I lost my job. Again. I had an interview in the city yesterday afternoon. Not knowing what the parking situation at where I needed to be, I decided to catch a train. I don't usually do Public Transport. I hate it. Dirty trains. Late trains. Strange people. Definitely not my cup of tea.

I caught the train from Newport station. I paid the required $3.80 for my daily concession ticket and made my way to the platform. I took a seat on a hard cold bench and waited. My train was due to arrive at 1252. It came at 1258. Only 6 minutes late, but late none the less. On board I saw some very strange, weird and interesting things, as well as some things that just plain annoyed me.

1) I saw a lady that looked like a poodle. She was sporting shoulder length, tight blonde curls and had a long pointy, upturned nose. Weird.

2) Directly in front of me sat an Indian lady in her late 20's. She was talking on her phone for the whole journey. That's fine. I'm on my phone quite a lot too. But she was pretty much shouting at the person on the other end. It wasn't angry shouting, just regular talking - with volume! Annoying.

3) It's school holidays - Hooray! Not. There were a 'gang' of rowdy teens wearing skinny jeans so tight that they could not pull them up to their waists. They had their rumps hanging out, exposing their brightly colored undies. Perhaps that is the cool thing to do these days. Since when do teenage boys wear pink undies? Strange.

4) The same teens thought it was a great idea to skateboard up and down the aisle of the carriage. Annoying.

5) Arrival at 'Footscrazy' station. Enter the junkies. Listening to a presumed stolen iPod at ridiculously loud levels, pushing a presumably stolen bike. Why did you choose to sit next to me? Talking loudly over your iPod to your skanky crack-whore girlfriend. My grip on my handbag tightened. As dd the grip on my brolly for protection - should I need it. Annoying.

6) I had the power at Southern Cross station. I deliberately stood and waited at the door on the wrong side of the carriage, just to see how many people disembarking at the same station were sheep. There were 5. Interesting.

7) I was hungry once I got out of the station so I began to hunt down some lunch. I found a little Japanese place in a food court. I ate the most delicious okonomiyaki I've ever had. Awesome.

8) In the same food court, was a boy aged around 12 with his Grandma. He was eating pizza. Signs plastered all over the food court read as "DO NOT FEED THE BIRDS." He ignored these, and ripped up the entire base of his pizza and threw it on the floor for the birds. Annoying.

9) As usual, I was early for my appointment. Forty minutes in fact. What could I do to waste some time? I found a bench and took a seat. I lit up a cigarette to calm my ever increasing nerves for the pending interview. A drunk traditional land owner took a seat next to me. After a few minutes of awkward silence he asked me for a cigarette. Harshly, I told him to dance for it. He did. He busted out some of the best break dancing moves I've ever seen. I rewarded him with 3 cigarettes. Strange.

Oh the things I have seen on one little journey to the city. On the journey home I sat in the back corner of the carriage with a copy of the MX pinned to my face. I don't think I could handle any more people watching for today.

End.

Violated.

Hello and welcome to a New Year. I know the first month is almost over, and I'm quite late, but I thought I had better start off by wishing you a Happy New Year. Now all of the formalities are over I can start the story of my latest violation...

Last Sunday afternoon, Miss Self Sabotage and I went to a quirky Artist's market in North Melbourne. We had a great time. I bought two new - antique, but new to me - shiny brooches, met up with Miss Self Sabotage's good friend and very talented clothing designer and ate a honey joy. We were tired and exhausted from wandering around the stuffy indoor market so we decided to head back home and grab a bite to eat. We were almost at our favourite breaky spot when my phone rang. It was Gigi, and she was crying her eyes out. For a second, I thought her dog had got loose and been run over. Luckily, Ollie was safe. But not so luckily, Gigi told me that our house had just been robbed! I immediately went into panic mode. I got goose pimples, my skin went pale and a began to shake.

I asked Miss Self Sabotage to take me home as fast as her car allowed. My luck got even better when we got stuck behind some fucking moron travelling 45-50km/h in a 60 zone. I lost my temper, punched the dashboard of Miss Self Sabotage's beautiful car and screamed abuse to the driver of the car in front of us via my passenger side window. I'm really sure he heard me too!

We finally made it back to my house. I went in to survey the damage and to assess what had been stolen. I got to my bedroom door and I nearly cried. The desperado, junkie thief had kicked in my bedroom door to gain access to my Aladdin's cave of treasure. My bedroom door is now hanging on by only one hinge and has a giant crack down the middle of it. Now it doesn't fit back in the opening so, I have to prop something up against it at night to keep it closed. I was relieved to still see my TV, DVD player and massive DVD collection intact. I moved around to the side of my bed. FUCK! A huge sense of grief and anger rushed throughout my whole body as I glared at the empty spot between my side table and bed where I keep my laptop.

Gone. It was gone. I also noticed that my phone charger was missing, along with the USB cable for my digital camera and half a bottle of perfume. I was really pissed the fuck off. I was just thinking two days before my life and bedroom got violated that I should really buy one of those external hard drive thingamajigs. I wish I had of now. The day my laptop was stolen, I also lost the last 10 years of my life in digital photos. I was devastated. I began feeling numb. I still am. If only I had saved them to a disc. Something. Hindsight is a mother fucker!

When the insurance money comes through, I shall buy myself a new laptop plus an external hard drive. Getting robbed is fucked. I hope it never happens to anyone. So children, what was the moral to today's tale? Yep, that's right. Always back up your memories and keep them in a safe place. That way, you never have to feel the way I'm feeling right now. Memoryless :(

Fin.