Eulogy for my Mobile Phone

Well friends, so it has come. The day that I must say goodbye to the handheld mobile telecommunication device that has served me for almost three years. To my HTC Desire 310, I dedicate this...



I still remember the day I went into Dick Smith’s, looking for a new, stylish phone to replace the clunky fucker I had been carting around, and that had died. All I wanted was something that would not get lost in my handbag and ring loud enough that I could hear it. You had seduced me with your custom ring tones, deep, metallic blue back cover, and multitude of apps available the Google Play Store.



We had our share of problems. I remember dropping you, face down on the tiles at Altona Gate mere minutes after taking ownership of you.

It wasn’t long before the Accuweather widget was dropped onto your home screen and your cute Tinkerbell case kept you safe. I still remember the new phone engulfed my nasal passage as I rushed to free you from your cardboard prison.



We had great times, you and I. You had next to zero storage space for apps. I remember you would power down for no reason. Your Apps would crash. After about a year, I thought I had been forgiven for dropping you multiple times and splashing water on you, but I know you never forgot.



Battle scars aside; you served me well, and seemed to enjoy playing little jokes on me. I would slam you against the coffee table sometimes when you shut off while I was commenting on a Facebook status. I’d go absolutely mental with rage. I know you were afraid when I threatened to pull you apart and set you on fire, but you knew I wouldn’t let go of you. I did throw you across the room many times, but I loved you just the same.

You always enjoyed ringing when I was very busy. Your Yakety Sax ring tone will always live in the memories of all of my friends as the most annoying ring tone - Ever.



Earlier this year, your components started wearing out and I knew our time together was almost up. Your camera lens was scratched and couldn’t snap photos very well. People called you such insensitive things, and those words hurt us both, but we carried on.
This morning at 6:30am, you couldn’t load the Facebook app. You just didn’t have enough oooomfff left in you to run my life anymore. I ran CCleaner app to try and unclog some memory or space or whatever it is that enables you to do the things I want you to do. I switched you off for a Reboot. You then got stuck on the start-up screen, and when I found you hours later in my handbag, you were overheating and hot to the touch.



I took off you back cover, removed your battery and micro SD card for future placement in a new phone. I went ahead and did a factory reset – Nothing. With tears in my eyes; I pushed your power button for what I knew was the last time. As your display went dark and fell silent, I recognized the end of an era. You are no longer with me.



You will rest peacefully in the drawer of my bedside table, the graveyard of all mobile phones past. Now I know, you will be substituted, but never replaced. RIP old friend.