Why is it so hard to find a root in Melbourne town? I'm convinced that there are no spunky, single guys left on this planet.
Where does a 30-something-year-old gal go in 2016 to find a bloke? I'm over the whole online thing - it's so lame! Tinder is shit and full of creepy cunts. My office has nil suitable potential mates. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place.
According to popular belief, I'm currently in my sexual peak. I'm not entirely sure what the heck that means, because I've been a crazy-horny nympho for most of my adult life.
I've learned to release my sexual frustrations whilst flying solo. I should have bought shares in Duracell years ago, due to the amount of batteries I've gone through over the years! Although, recently I lashed out and shouted myself two new Lelo toys - top of the range, rechargeable and highly recommended; should you be in the market and a couple of new dildoes - moulded directly from the shafts of two of my favorite porn stars.
But let me tell you, there's a massive difference between getting yourself off with a vibrator or rubber dong and getting your box smashed by a real dick, attached to a sexy man.
I think it's the mental connection that I'm yearning for most. I don't believe that it's healthy to not have that skin on skin, primal connection with another human being that you only experience when you're fucking like a wild animal.
What if I get too accustomed to my Lelos and silicone dicks? What if when I do eventually hook up with some random, he isn't able to satisfy me the way I could be satisfied in the past? I was the kind of girl that just needed a kiss on the neck, or a finger traced over my pussy to get a flood happening.
I need to stop piss farting around and get myself laid! My plan for this year, is to get laid as much as I did when I was in my 20's.
If you have any spare, handsome, single guys hanging around, let me know. I'd be happy to take him off your hands!
Watch this space.
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